Tu Ba or Not Tu Ba

Sometimes you're right. Sometimes you're wrong. And tonight was definitely a case of the latter.

Based on my event planning, we arrived at the Kennedy Center to see Merry TubaChristmas!, a free concert on the Millennium Stage that was to feature tuba players from all over the D.C. area performing traditional Christmas music. Actually, there would not be just tuba players; there would be sousaphone and euphonium players, too.

On paper, it sounded really intriguing. And there was a tradition behind the event. Started by the late Harvey Phillips, this concert would be the 38th TubaChristmas in a row, meaning it was the same age as our son, Michael. It also promised to be professional. I knew from reading The Going Out Guide in The Washington Post that the tuba, sousaphone, and euphonium players had arrived at 3 o'clock to rehearse for tonight's performance.

But when we entered the long hall leading to the Millennium Stage, we noticed, or more properly put, heard, something wrong. Instead of the deep sounds of tubas, we heard the tinkling sounds of ringing bells. On stage were several members of a chapel ringing group, dressed in Austrian Christmas garb, rehearsing for a performance. OK. No problem I thought. The tuba fest must be in another part of the massive Center. Since we were 45 minutes early, Judy said she wanted to check out the gift shop. I walked over to a display and picked up the Millennium Stage schedule for December. And there it was in black and white: Merry TubaChristmas!

I found my wife in the gift shop. I showed her the schedule. She looked at it. "What day is today?" she asked.

"Tuesday," I replied.

"No" she said. "The date."

"The 6th," I answered.

"Yep, and what day does it say for the tuba concert," she said, emphasizing her words with that look she reserves for the times she believes I am suffering from yet another outbreak of the stupids. .

I looked at the schedule again. And there it was, as clear on the nose on my face, as they say. Merry TubaChristmas. Dec. 7. Wednesday. Uh-oh. We weren't 45 minutes early. We were 24 hours and 45 minutes early. The concert was tomorrow. Tonight belonged to The Chapel Ringers from Fort Myers Chapel, who were preparing to deliver a holiday bell ringing program.

I had to think quickly. I really wasn't in the mood for Silver Bells, sleigh bells, door bells, or any kind of bells. I wanted tubas. Or I wanted food. "How about we forget the concert and go to that new upscale bar-b-que?" I asked. "You know, the one that opened last night across the street from us."

Admitting that she was hungry, Judy agreed. So we boarded the Kennedy Center Shuttle, jumped on the Metro, got off at our Crystal City stop, hurried through the underground, exited on 23rd Street, walked under the Grand Opening banner and entered Memphis.

An hour later, I emerged satiated, not on Tuba tones, but on pulled pork egg rolls, home-made hush puppies, bar-b-qued chicken and ribs, cole slaw, mashed potatoes and 3 glasses of iced tea. And I had learned a valuable lesson. If you make a mistake about a holiday tuba concert, a good Plan B is bar-b-que. It can really ease the pain of a tuba-less Tuesday.

Tales, Tidbits, and Traveling Tips
There is a postscript to this story. We will not be attending Merry TubaChristmas this year. We've set aside tomorrow night to hear a talk by former newsman Marvin Kalb at the National Archives on the 1941 Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. But we we can still see and hear what we will be missing. The Kennedy Center puts every Millennium Stage performance on its website. So this weekend, maybe we'll get some takeout bar-b-que and check out those festive tubas on the screen.